SINGAPORE – I have been navigating the silent world of fatherhood.
It is a world where our vulnerabilities are hidden from the people who know us best. We often put on a brave front as we toil at work daily to make ends mean.
Masculinity is often taken to mean fathers are expected to quietly fulfil their responsibilities. That is what our own fathers did, and that ethos of stoicism is passed down to us. Like father, like son.
Like children, who are expected to be seen but not heard, an unspoken rule for fathers applies: We are supposed to silently provide for the family while we keep how we really feel to ourselves.
I have been working for more than a quarter of a century now. My work life can be divided into two seasons.
For the first 25 years, I was a salaried employee. Every month, I secured my pay cheque and made sure the family bills are paid.
Over the years, I saved some on the side for the children’s education. My oldest child is currently doing his bachelor’s degree in a local university. My middle child is in JC2 and my youngest is in secondary school.
My family structure fits the traditional mould, where the husband works and the wife tends to the household.
In the past, my wife did some part-time relief teaching and helped out with the parent support group in my youngest child’s primary school.
The division of labour blurred during weekdays. At times, I tended to the kids when I came home from work. My wife could take a break and reward herself with some good K-dramas on Netflix.
During the weekends, we took the children out for dinner and engaged in family bonding activities. We often reserved the middle of the week to have a picnic by the park in the evening.
But as they grew older, the children needed more me-time with friends. My wife and I are not complaining, though, because that frees us to enjoy more we-time as a couple.
About a year ago, I ventured out with a partner to set up our own firm. That was after 23 years of working for someone. I roped in my wife to take care of the administrative side of things.