SINGAPORE – The FIFA World Cup 2018 kicked off a few months before my firstborn sat his PSLE.
As a die-hard football fan, he was far more enthusiastic about tracking every score than tackling his revision.
He would pore over sports sites and devour newspaper coverage instead of working through the practice papers.
Navigating a national exam for the first time as a parent, I was concerned that he was watching matches when he could be brushing up on, say, his Chinese.
“You’re taking the PSLE this year,” I cautioned him. “Are you sure you should be watching the match?”
His matter-of-fact reply: “How can I not watch? The next time the World Cup happens, I’ll be in Secondary 4.”
He reassured me that he would buckle down to study after the tournament ended.
Realising that stopping a strong-willed child from watching would likely backfire, I simply reminded him to make sure he did not drop the ball when it came to his exams.
When my two older children, now 20 and 17, were in primary school, I was more involved in guiding them through an exam.
While I avoided sending them for tuition until they asked for help with Chinese in upper primary, I supported them in other ways.
From the time they started having school exams in lower primary, I got them a simple monthly planner. I taught them to mark out the exam dates and plan out revision topics.
I encouraged them to start revision early, but left them to decide what and how much they wanted to tackle each day.
Occasionally, they left revision until the last minute and faced the natural consequences of their results not meeting expectations.
Having the autonomy to plan their schedule gives them a sense of control, which in turns helps to improve motivation. Learning from natural consequences is also another source of motivation.
While I do not send them for academic enrichment lessons, I believe in setting them up for success. For example, I got them practice papers and helped to organise them into labelled files, so they knew where the resources were when they needed them.
A child may not be organised by nature, but having things easily accessible makes starting revision easier. So I help where I can.
I often remind them that it is not about the quantity. There is no point rushing through practice papers without learning from mistakes. I would rather they take the time to go through the errors so that they do not repeat them.
At home, I tried to ensure their study space was free from distractions and reminded their youngest sister, now 10, to lower her volume when it came to exam periods.
We also set goals together, discussing secondary schools they were keen on and could likely qualify for. Having a clear aspiration gave them the impetus to work harder.
By the time my teens moved on to secondary school and beyond, the support I gave looked quite different.
I no longer knew their exam schedule or syllabus by heart and had to trust that they had internalised the habits we built in primary school.
It seemed to work. They would do their own planning, filing and scheduling.
I continued to provide support, from getting them a tutor for the subjects they needed help in to buying them 10-year-series.
More importantly, I provided moral support by checking in with them regularly, and often, just being a listening ear when they felt stressed out.
My words of advice didn’t always land the way I hoped.
When my son was in junior college, I shared with him that I quit TV the year I took my A-level exams, and suggested that he delete his games and social media. He didn’t.
So I did the next best thing and supported him in whatever way I could.
He would study at the library daily until closing. When he got home late at night, I would greet him at the door if I wasn’t asleep.
On weekends, I would cook him a hearty lunch before he went out to study, to make sure he got at least one nutritious meal a day.
Support looks different for every child.
When my daughter sat her O levels in 2025, it meant buying her favourite treats and simply being home in case she needed to talk. I also reassured her that as long as she tried her best, her papa and I would be happy with whatever results she got.
Knowing that she had our unconditional support helped her stay motivated, she told us later.
Children’s needs vary so it helps to be attuned to what is required.
A self-motivated child might need reminders to prioritise sleep and mental well-being over marks. Conversely, a child struggling with motivation might thrive knowing that progress is still possible in the time remaining.
Making time for hobbies is also vital. For my son, the World Cup was a powerful incentive to finish his work early. It provided a necessary break and something to look forward to.
There is a lesson here for us parents.
Much like in football, we are like the coaches. We lay the groundwork, provide the resources and offer unwavering belief.
But ultimately, the pitch belongs to them. Whether they score or miss, our job is to remain their biggest supporters from the sidelines.